Reshuffling the Deck of Fate
by Broken Antler in Winter
Summary: He's his father's good soldier to the end, and she abandoned everything for a few more years. The truth is, Zatanna is Batman's prisoner, and Robin is the warden, a closeness borne out of duty. She is bound to a child. He is bound to a criminal. But they'll slap a label on it and call it love, maybe one day it will be.
1. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Part One: Down the Rabbit Hole**

**Summary: He's his father's good soldier to the end, and she abandoned everything for a few more years. The truth is, Zatanna is Batman's prisoner, and Robin is the warden, a closeness borne out of duty and no choice. She is bound to a child. He is bound to a criminal. But they'll slap a label on it and call it love to the rest of the world, maybe one day it will be.**

* * *

And one day, out of nowhere, Giovanni Zatara disappears.

They say it's a mystery, they say it'll never be solved, they say they miss him so, so much. They say he's dead already, probably rotting in some gutter or frozen in an iceberg. They say they might never see him again, and they say the best thing they can do is remember him for who he was, not think and dwell on the what-ifs and the never-to-bes. They say a lot of things, and all of the things they say lead to the fact that they lost hope before the search began.

Zatara is already dead to them, already six feet under and sinking through the recesses of the mind, faster than the eye can see, and faster than the Flash. Wally West, of course.

Angry, she's just so angry at the fact that they lost hope, they abandoned it in the middle of the road and left it to die of starvation or get run over by disillusions and troubles in an unfair world. But Zatanna _is _a magician, illusions are what she lives for, what she holds on still from his teachings, what she breathes.

So while the rest of the world mourns the untimely, but not unexpected, passing of Giovanni 'Seth' Zatara, Zatanna searches the world for something that will bring him back, leaving everything behind so a sliver of the days-long-gone will be caught in her long fingertips.

The Zatara family is not known for letting go so easily.

Haunted, she searches the world, tearing apart every hidden crevice, a path of fury and a path of vengeance. A hopeless child who must, _must _find the only thing of family she ever knew. Behind her back, the whisper of her and they pity her fruitless struggles, yet somehow they do not know. They cannot possibly understand, because they aren't lost souls clinging on to the last piece of hope left in a world so _cruel _and fate so stony.

The daughter, a child in personality, stubbornness, and desperation, but now a woman in mind, body, and knowledge, never forgets and forsakes her duty. But, while she sees the world grow and her life squander, she sees a dark path ahead and no one to guide, no one who _understands _what it's like to lose everything they've ever known in a split-second.

Searching for help, searching for someone who will support her in her mad crusade, she finds only shuns from people she once trusted, but no more. The search is no longer for Zatara, she _needs _someone to trust, someone to...

And, like that, the journey leads her home to Gotham, home to the heart of the Caped Crusader.

The girl inside, the one who isn't angry, betrayed, and _lonely, _still remembers Bruce Wayne with fond, loving memory. They were such good friends before everything turned sour, before the Waynes were gunned down, her father turned to drinks, and Zatanna sought comfort in the arms of a sweet, sweet illusion.

They used to play around when life was sweet, they knew each other from the age of six, everything laughter and play. And by the time he turned eight, he got the courage kiss her on the cheek and blush the deepest red they'll ever know.

Death striked easily that dark Gotham night, and he closed off to Zatanna as easily as a door closes on the ugly crone offering a single rose to the prince.

Zatanna doesn't _know _Bruce Wayne anymore, but now they have this common, the experience of losing everything, and, so, something new, something they don't have the emotional maturity to understand, blossoms between two greatly broken souls. And, for Zatanna, it's something so very beautiful. So very whole...

* * *

It all starts with Zatanna Zatara's illusions being played once again.

The place is called the Diamond Star, a five-star hotel restaurant with sketchy dealings and gossip galore. Under the facade of glamor and good taste, there lies the stink of corruption and the stink of desperation. Basically, Gotham in spades.

He appears with two women in his arms, and she recognizes him immediately. Zatanna has seen him in tabloids and magazine covers, but that's not the reason. There's the intensity in his eyes, trying to hide the shadows, but so _clear and bright and blinding _that appeared in his blue, blue eyes as bright and as deep as the sky itself. She sees the mysteries buried deep within, because it has always been her job to see beyond the cloak of darkness and cloak of illusion. She sees beyond the simple image of the single playboy, no strings attached, finally back in town after years 'travelling'.

And she sees...she sees a _hero. _

Quicksilver of the sea, eyes turn solid and steel at the sight of her. It isn't the eyes of Bruce Wayne Zatanna's looking at any longer, it's the eyes of the Dark Knight that look back.

Well aware of the provocative wear, Zatanna waves at the former friend, twirling and twisting a strand of hair between her fingertips while sitting down and carefully placing one leg over the other in a smooth motion. Bruce quirks a brow at the movement, while the women surrounding him like bugs are discouraged and eventually warded off. His eyes never leave her, determined, with purpose.

Bruce Wayne settles himself into the chair beside her, calling for the bartender to get a ridiculously expensive cocktail. "Finally back in Gotham, Zee?" He leans over the counter and pecks her cheek.

"I could say the same for you," Zatanna whispers, punctuated by childish giggles, "I always thought you were _afraid _of flying mammals. But the first thing you do in the two years you've been back in Gotham...the first thing you do is to become the _night_. Always so dramatic...is this the warmest welcome you can give?"

Pouting, Zatanna turns her eyes on to her childhood friend, knowing all too well that her eyes can melt his soul.

Smirking, Bruce replies, "Dramatics were always your thing, Zee, what with the pulling rabbits out of hats and magicking up candy... remember when I didn't believe in magic?" Zatanna nods slowly. "I've forgotten how to believe again, I think." His eyes of cobalt blue are lost now, wandering, and still _unsure _of the path he takes.

"I could always try saying it backwards," she slowly whispers into Bruce's ear, tickling his skin with the heat of her breath. After all, she can understand. When doubt is the only emotion other than despair. "_Ruoy ecalp, ro enim_?" _Your place, or mine? _

Bruce snickers, sounding young and free for a moment before the burdens of the world fall back on his shoulders. "Let's hope sweet-talking isn't all you've learned during those many, many years from home. And the verdict is...I've always wanted a night out of the Manor and away from these..._lovely ladies_." He glares pointedly at the scarcely dressed models, and moves his face close enough that Zatanna can feel every word bring his breath to her face. "Will you be willing?"

The lost lady came to Gotham to find her direction, but instead, she finds her heart.

* * *

There is no _passion _though, only slow and steady movement and bonding of two souls that know each other so well, from a past that began at a birthday party and continues to the day they are both seeking something more.

Eventually, slowly, she realizes that Bruce Wayne, handsome, dark, determined Bruce Wayne, is not going to let her into his life. She tries, tries, and tries, head finally turned away from the turbulent waves of her search, settling into the island of sorrows that is Gotham. And, on a windswept night, with his cowl down and stubble painting his chin, the Dark Knight says his verdict. He's judge, jury, and executioner. His cut is swift.

"Why?" she asks, "Why won't you let me see that part of you? You're always so quick to say no, so quick to say that we're nothing but childhood friends. But I can't keep talking to the _cowl. _Or that other mask."

"The cowl is down right now."

Zatanna smiles, bittersweet. "I always pay attention to what you say, Bruce, and I know that the playboy and billionaire is nothing more than a mask too." What does one say when the only man she feels a connection to is rage wrapped up in a cape? "When will you show me your real self?"

"You don't belong in this life, this fight. I was afraid that you would let yourself be submerged in this, I can't pull you into the mess after you've already escaped."

Laughing, Zatanna asks, "So what? You're protecting me? You knew me once, but I guess you've forgot. _Os eb ti!_ Maybe one day I'll come back, after you realize that not everyone needs a hero. And when you realize that you can't be a hero every time."

"Part of me wants to open up every door to you," Bruce acknowledges, face expressionless, though eyes steeled. She can drown in those eyes, eyes of determination and eyes of strength, but she chooses not to leap into the icy water. She's sad, desolate, and determined to leave the eyes alone. Touching them is like bathing in ice, while Zatanna's hands are ones of fire. It will only mean pain for the both of them, something she refuses to simply accept.

She places her hands on the back of his neck, pulling him closer, but she's downcast and she _already _knows what he's going say. The years changed him, though much remains the same, and she never loses the ability to read his expressions. Against all instinct, against all logic, Zatanna prays for an answer that doesn't put everything they have out to the die.

"And the other part?"

The seconds tick away like clockwork, leaving a real and not echoing sound in her ears, a sound of anticipation, a sound of dread, a sound of answers already known, yet for some reason, someone needs to speak. The silence is a lull, a calm before the storm, and they both know it well.

After all, there's always the glimmer of hope that he will choose _her _over _protecting _her. They're both very dark and very light, straggling while the rest of the world chooses, straggling in the gods-be-damned grey area of uncertainty and mistaken altruisms.

Maybe this time, he'll finally choose the light...

"Cares for you enough to leave them closed."

Ah, but of course, the Dark Knight is no angel, he is an avenging demon.

So, Zatanna, with all her passion and all her decisiveness, with all the truth in her heart and all the fight run out, leaves the Batcave slowly. As she walks out the cave door to the rain and wind outside, she smiles what she thinks will be the last but hopes the contrary. "Oh Bruce, you're so _etuc _when you're being condescending."

What she doesn't know is that...what they have doesn't _disappear._

* * *

And after that, she chooses to prove herself.

Zatanna Zatara is a name known throughout the superhero community, an esteemed member of the JLA, a hero known to all, and the person to turn to when in need of magic. She's thrust into the life that Bruce wants to protect her from, and, somehow, she's perfectly fine with that.

It doesn't mean that she's given up, and she still searches the globe for the top hat and the fatherly hands. A voice and a face she's long forgotten, if not for the posters and the videos. "You're my little princess, _Annataz_."

Speaking things backwards means something every time. That single word, ringing on her father's tongue, is _magical. _It will never be a spell, but doesn't that mean there's this special magic there too? A magic of their own?

Then, when her _daddy _comes back after so many years gone, with explanations and affirmations galore, a tale of magic put to evil use sprouting from his lips. She takes the story with a grain of salt, she's lost too much to accept so easily as that. And when she refuses her father's offer to do the show _together _again, when she refuses to completely let herself back into her father's life, she realizes...

Nothing will ever be the same again.

John Constantine is the one who asks her to go the seance. Zatanna accepts without hesitation; if she can be a hero, she will be a hero to the very end. Sargon and Mento are invited as well, and...

Her dad doesn't trust John, and comes along as well. They need all the help they can get, but she can't stand the stubbornness of her father. She is a grown woman, with so many years without him there, and she doesn't know why the people around her seem so intent on protecting her, when what's really at stake is the _world_.

It all starts peacefully.

They call to the _Great Evil_ _Beast_.

Fear does not strike her at first, until Sargon disintegrates in front of her very eyes, the vision of pain and suffering on his face while he tried to stop the screams, to die like a magician. As Sargon burns away, the dust of his body crumbles in Zatanna's hands, and her eyes grow wind with fear and reality. _This is what I live for, to save people, I chose this life, _she thinks to herself. And those words stop her from simply crumbling, when the Great Evil Beast's ugly eyes turn to her.

The red, _so red, _glows a bright, ghastly, flagrant color, ghostly and violent at the same time, the color of congealed blood building a world on death. Just as the burning, the _intense, intense _burning begins in her chest, her father, her _daddy, _pushes her aside and takes the-

He _shatters to dust and nothing m_

_ore, nevermore, nevermore, _and why does she live in a world _so _cruel? Memories so dark? If all the world's a stage, why must her story play out as a tragedy? _Why? Why? Why? _He was just back, and now he disappears like a _spectre, so surreal...why?_

It takes her such a long time to react to the stifled screams and the contorted expression, realization flickering darkly on her face in a flash of anger and rage only after, only _after _Giovanni Zatara, the World's Foremost Illusionist and Magician, disappears, and only his iconic top hat remains, floating gently on to the rosewood table.

Everything, all those years, wasted and _gone_ like dust scattered throughout the darkness.

They finish the seance professionally, like real, dignified magicians. The battle, the day is won, though Mento comes out delirious while two of their number is gone for count. Nonetheless, the battle is won, and the war for the existence of the world can continue on another day...

Only when she gets home does she find it the right time to scream.

* * *

She does it out of instinct, out of a desperate hope and a desperate want for instant gratification. How can she let all those years be wasted? How can she find her father only to lose him again?

Sometimes, Zatanna forgets that her words have magic, it's as easy moving an arm or flicking a wrist to the side. But now, this has direction, purpose. After all, the strength of a spell is always in the caster, the passion, the emotion. She screams as loud as she can, "_Laets em kcab a wef erom sraey, ekam eht dlrow eb ruo nevah. Ekat em kcab ot eht nedlo syad, nedlog syad. Elffusher eht kced fo ETAF! EKAT EM EMOH WON!_"_ Steal me back a few more years, make the world be our haven. Take me back to the olden days, the golden days. Reshuffle the deck of FATE! TAKE ME HOME NOW!_

The last word rings through the apartment, echoing off the empty, bare walls as she clings on to the threadbare sheets, wailing to everything and nothing, responding to the horrors of the world.

And then, the world responds back.

A surge of warmth begins to bubble in her chest, her strength and vitality seemed to be drained from her, before she feels limp as the world swims into a mess of colors. She sees faces, so many faces, pass before her, and she knows that they've intersected once or will meet in the coming years...

It's like a wormhole, hues and colors mingled with light and darkness, nothing in the gray area. She sees memories, walks in the park, performances to a full crowd, all of the things of the olden days that makes her wish to giggle like a schoolgirl. She sees faces, the other members of the JLA, Bruce, his proteges, a villainess named Tigress, a dark Atlantean, men, woman, and...

She sees her father's smile.

Suddenly, she's standing in Robinson Park in Gotham, while she pulls her dad along the road, fourteen years old and in the prime of life, though the magic in her hands is far weaker than it was once. It is no sacrifice to her, though. "We're going to be late, we're going to be late!" she yells. Zatanna knows where they're going, to Wayne Manor, to meet Bruce Wayne. She wants to laugh and smile and sing!

Zatanna's heart is singing to the music of happiness, smiles, and laughter. Gotham has never looked so bright, now it seems the epitome of spirit and joy.

As their car pulls into the lot of Wayne Manor, they see Alfred Pennyworth. "Good morning, Alfred," Zatara says, while Zatanna decides to play the shy girl, waiting for Bruce to come out and for the world, though reshuffled, to be fine once again.

But, instead of Bruce, there's this dark man with eyes of determination and perseverance, eyes she knows yet wants not to...Bruce isn't the one she knew once. He's younger, but still so tall, broad, and...she's a child, but he's a man...how is that possible?

"Hello, this must be Zatanna," his eyes hold nothing, no one remembers what it used to be, and she can only hope that no ever will. Nevertheless, he looks to her with a flicker of something, but she should expect that by now, especially from a Bat. The flicker is suspicion, the flicker is _disgust_, why would Bruce look at her like that? The only thing is, the only thing is...

Drowning in realization. Her daddy isn't the only thing in the world she cares for, there are two, Bruce Wayne and Giovanni Zatara, is it fate that she cannot have one if she is to have the other? What...why...why didn't she think of the _consequences? _This isn't home, this isn't the life she's supposed to live! This isn't...this isn't what she wants, she wants the eyes again, the eyes to look at her with something other than condescending...

A boy, younger than her-

No, he's _her age _now, now that she's decided to change the world for the sake of a few more years... He waves and says, "Hi, Bruce's told me about you Mr. Zatara. And you must be Zatanna! I'm Dick Grayson."

He's happier than Bruce, much happier than the man she fell in love with once upon a time. Dick's eyes are bright, and they hold, they hold a light as opposed to the stifling darkness of Batman's cowl...but there's something the same here...

Strength.

And that's when she realizes, that's when she realizes that this new life, this new chance, though the world's decks are reshuffled and life is warped, she _wants this_. Anyways, by now, she's in too deep, already down the rabbit hole into a new place.

So she looks to Richard Grayson's eyes, trying not to think of Bruce Wayne, she tries to live life without her former magical strength, and she tries her very, very best because nothing is completely perfect. She makes the best of everything and nothing, she keeps her mouth closed and smiles. Zatanna Zatara, for the first time in years, feels the slightest bit of content and _rest_.

That's what daddy would have wanted.

* * *

**Okay, this is the result of how the differences between Earth-16 and the main DC continuity, and how it would happen. Basically, Zatanna, in her desperation, without considering consequences, chooses to change everything to 'steal back a few more years'. After all, it's right after she finds her father, and fails to reconcile, that he dies for real. The next part will look into Robin and Zatanna's relationship framed by this idea/concept/headcanon. **

**And the main thing I want to say in this AU is the fact that...I do NOT think Zatanna is a bitch, her actions are of a rash person who is ruled by emotion. And anyone who starts hating Zatanna is the same kind of person she is. **

**REVIEW, and the next part (all the good stuff) will come later!**


	2. One More False Kiss

**Part Two: One More False Kiss**

******Summary: He's his father's good soldier to the end, and she abandoned everything for a few more years. The truth is, Zatanna is Batman's prisoner, and Robin is the warden, a closeness borne out of duty and no choice. She is bound to a child. He is bound to a criminal. But they'll slap a label on it and call it love to the rest of the world, maybe one day it will be.**

* * *

Dick Grayson meets her that day without much fanfare.

Zatanna Zatara is young, beautiful, and talented, with a glint in her eye and a fierce love for life, but Dick's seen more than enough of those kinds of people, what with Artemis, M'gann, Barbara, and all those other young ladies in his life. Something about Zatanna is different, though, she seems older than she is, wiser than she should be, seen more things than she should see, and she seems rather...interesting.

But from a single look in Bruce's eyes, from a single look in the flash of emotion that his mentor tries so hard to bottle up, Dick knows something is wrong. He sees disgust, hatred, anger, and even _nostalgia_ in the guarded expression. So, erring on the side of caution, Robin chooses not to trust the magician.

Of course, the girl seems nice enough, yet Robin's trained to detect everything. Zatanna's severely uncomfortable around Bruce, flashing an expression of fear and, like Bruce, nostalgia.

Afterwards is when Dick truly understands.

Bruce seems at a loathe to explain it to Dick, but gives in to the iron protocol of the Dynamic Duo. Batman is never supposed to hide anything from him, right? Things are not as good as they were once, yet Batman still trusts Robin above any other person, except Alfred, because Alfred is infallible. So, as Batman begins his grim, emotionless words, Robin does nothing but listen.

And by the end of the lengthy, lengthy discussion, sadly, all Dick can feel is pity. Zatanna Zatara lost everything, so she wants it all back, and she grasps for it with hungry, hungry fingers, and doesn't realize that, in the lines of fate, it is always a _life _for a _life, _a _year _for a _year, _a _soul _for a _soul, _and a _heart _for a _heart. _As old as the mistress of magic used to be, in another world and life, she is still not as old as Dick, because Dick _understands _that truth, desire, and everything has consequences unprecedented.

It's sad, mostly since maybe, once upon a time, if Robin had the power to do so, he would have gone down the same path. Experiences in Gotham made Robin realize that maybe, _maybe, _if he gets back to the olden days, he'll find happiness. However, happiness never comes without consequences, and it makes Robin want to stamp his foot down and yell at the world, as if that will cure anything.

Though the inevitable fact is that Robin, Batman, Zatanna Zatara, or whoever chooses to change the deck of fate, will find that they are not who they used to be, and that happiness will always be so hard to grasp, when, in another life, they were some people so different.

And, really, fate's just heartless like that.

So, chastised by his own mind's eye, Dick Grayson turns to Bruce Wayne and asks him, "Who was she to you?", because he knows that magic has lapses to change things when there are so incredibly deep feelings entailed. A type of passion between the two connected their minds when Zatanna performed the spell. Zatanna was once something to Bruce, and if Bruce can't tell him, who can he?_  
_

"Once, a friend," Bruce replies steadily, not looking at Robin, but Robin can hear the unsaid words nonetheless. _Once, more than a friend, but now, I don't know anymore_. As Batman takes on his leader-voice, Robin stands straight and as tall as he can. "Zatanna will be meeting the Team, and you will be making sure she doesn't stray from the path of righteous use of magic." That's why Batman is telling him, so he can be a warden to the prisoner. Batman still cares for her, can't stand being around her, because she's a reminder of what things used to be. And even if Bruce doesn't show it, he's hurt, and, for that, Robin can never forgive Zatanna.

As much as overprotectiveness is something said to be heavily characteristic for the Batman, the truth is, it's a two-way street, and Robin never wants to lose his...father.

Frowning, Robin asks, but not really _asks_, "You still love her." Batman glares deeply, but not at Robin, and leaves the Batcave, cape flaring behind him.

The empty cave is hollow and the drip-drip of the water is echoing through the motionless air. Robin looks around the cave, wondering if Zatanna regrets it, wondering what was lost to make her wishes come true. As the time ticks by, Robin removes his mask, places it on the table, and walks away, leaving the cave as empty as the act of dwelling on the past.

* * *

The Cave is full the first time Zatanna visits, full of life and energy. Of course, Robin is attentive and he thinks that Bruce has already told Zatanna what he knows, because her look Robin is one of concealed shame.

Robin, of course, is a natural, and knows guilt when he sees it. This time he is not so forgiving, because, as much as she can understand the urge, he doesn't want to let this _faker _call herself a hero, when she changes the very world she protects just so that one person lives. She doesn't understand consequences, does she? Robin doesn't want to let Zatanna be called a hero, because, well...he _can't_ feel like she deserves it.

Maybe he's biased 90% because of the fact that whatever _they _had, whatever _they _lost the moment that Zatanna chose to change the world in more ways than the positive, it hurt _Bruce Wayne. _

He doesn't _want _to forgive her for that.

But now he has a part to play, a part of a young vigilante who has a crush on a beautiful, talented girl. It's the best cover to keep an eye on Zatanna, and the world will never have to know of any deceptions. It's those kinds of lies that will follow him to the grave. Not lies about what he does as an extracurricular or where that J-like mark on his back came from. Instead it's the lie that's the hardest for him, the lies where he has to convince himself.

As M'gann introduces herself, Robin hastily interrupts, "Robin! I'm Robin!" hoping that all of his disgust has dissipated by now. Though Robin should be sympathizing with her like he did when he first heard, she hurt his father, and there's nothing that can change it.

Zatanna _knows, _though, wearing her far-too-provocative clothes and tilting her head to the side.

He wonders if she's fooled or if she's just that good at acting, which comes with practice, practice, and the realization that the truth isn't what she wants anymore. "Nice to meet you, Boy Wonder," Zatanna smiles coyly, and the masquerade ball begins.

Before long, Robin realizes that they're doing more than playing parts assigned to them by fate and by the Bat, it's a game of who-can-pretend, who-can-lie, and who-can-abandon-who-they-once-were. Eventually, the interest and the excitement die down, because, who isn't it just a part of life for excitement to be there? Artemis and Zatanna get along immediately, meanwhile M'gann is interested in this new league-affiliated personality. Wally is staring at him in a way only a best friend can, mouthing, "You totally like her." Superboy is on the defensive, while Kaldur welcomes her kindly.

"Hey, Zatanna," Artemis calls over to the magician walking over to sit on the loveseat, "Want a tour of the Cave?"

It's that moment that Robin puts out his mask to the game, saying, before Zatanna can react, "How about I give you a _private _tour of the Cave?" Robin turns to Wally and wiggles his eyebrows, while Artemis whispers, "Our Boy Wonder is turning out to be a _player."_ And the truth is, it doesn't even _bother _Robin anymore. When isn't he wearing a mask? Does it matter what it looks like, as long as it is on?

Zatanna nods, and waves to the other members of the Team, smirking, with that slightest bit of hesitance in her eyes, "_Dael no_." _Lead on. _

As soon as they enter a single private room, the masquerade comes to a grinding halt. "Bruce knows, you can't shut off that kind of emotion, what you had, that easily. I'm here to make sure you never do this sort of spell again," he says quietly. Robin is serious, focused, and not the self he chooses to present in Mount Justice. "How does it feel to cheat fate, really?"

Twisting strands of loose hair between her gloved fingertips and blinking a pair of twinkling eyes, Zatanna laughs a bitter, self-deprecating laugh. "Do you want the honest answer, or the self-righteous answer?" she asks, biting her lip and staring at his mask, "Why don't you take it off? You and Bruce...have the same type of...strength in your eyes." Robin's mask and Robin's self, she stares for the smallest millisecond, breaking...

And then, she collapses.

Tears seeping out of her eyes like a waterfall, Zatanna crumbles to the ground, wailing at her knees. She tries to wipe away her tears but more keep coming, and they mingle with snot for a none-to-appealing combination. She shields her face from the world and clenches her fists, beating down on the ground with a passion.

Robin extends a hand to pull her to her feet, though she shrinks from his touch. Taking off his mask and showing Zatanna his eyes, she takes his hand and stands up unsteadily. "You're eyes are a darker blue than his," she mumbles, looking at the ground while tears continue dripping down her chin, "But they're really the same. They have this sort of...will to them...and you know that you _are _your father's son, right? But I'll never be daddy's real, good daughter, because I broke every ancient law of magic that he _ever _taught me, and how do I get redemption for that? I'm not my father's daughter, and I'm...just a mockery. How can I deserve this?"

Understanding now, Robin doesn't think there can be any worst torture. Zatanna did this to be the perfect daughter, to have that perfect, _perfect _life, but then she realizes that the only thing she ever did when she uttered that spell was destroy what she had left.

Now she must live with the mockery of what was once her's, and what was once in her reach, all _mockeries_. Namely, Robin, because Robin is Batman in every way except the one that matters, so he puts the mask back on, because Zatanna forcing herself to look at his eyes must be a little masochistic, and him letting her look is sadism.

When Robin stands up to leave, Zatanna tugs at his arm before letting go. She tries to smile a broken-to-pieces smile. "I haven't answered the question yet."

Before he leaves, he says, lightly, "I know, cheating fate, it's devastating." So he leaves and hopes that one day, maybe one day, they'll be able to look at each other and see something that isn't anger at the could-have-beens.

* * *

When Zatara stands up against the form of Nabu, Lord of Order, Robin is chilled to the bone, because he _knows _what's going to happen. Again and again and again, the cycle of life. Zatanna reshuffled Fate's deck, and who better to steal back the debt than Fate himself?

He wants to beg Fate to stop, to think, but Robin can _see _that Nabu knows what Zatanna did, and is punishing her for it, so his voice turns to glass shards in his throat.

Honestly, the complete and utter devastation in Zatanna's eyes as Dr. Fate leaves them in the field is something he can sympathize with, having felt it _so _many times. Nevertheless, his original feelings about Zatanna are still in the back of his mind, and so, a few days later, when he goes into Zatanna's new room in Mount Justice, he isn't there to comfort her, since, the truth is, there isn't any comfort to be had, and they both know.

Walking in slowly, tentatively, he places his hands in his pockets and fiddles with his sunglasses. Amid her tears, Zatanna asks jokingly, "What are you doing here, Boy Wonder?" By now, they expect these oh-so bittersweet interactions. Zatanna sees him as the could-have-been Bruce, and Robin sees her as the could-have-been hope.

At the end of the day, Robin's just her warden, she's the prisoner.

The silence wears on, until both parties get tired of it. Robin knows Zatanna was mourning for her father before he even put on the Helmet of Fate, mourning for someone who was her father, yet wasn't, small deviations making all the difference.

So, he says, harshly, because that is how their interactions are characterized now, "You can't possibly be surprised this happened. A life for a life, everything is in a parallel line." When Zatanna responds only with a deep, hateful glare and tearful eyes, Robin continues, "A life for a life, that's how it works. So tell me, Zatanna Zatara, was it worth it? In the end?"

"I- I don't think I'm sure," she tries to smile, once again, but fails. Robin nods briskly, turning to leave the room, ready for reporting back to Batman about any suspicious behavior from Zatanna.

But, before he can leave, Robin has to ask her, "Are you going to do anything about this? Because," he smirks, letting in some of his usual humor, "it wouldn't be the first time."

Zatanna shakes her head, sadness suddenly marred by anger and ugly hate. "How...how can you believe I would do that again? After all I lost? You of all people should know, you of all people should understand! I want you to get _tuo!" __Out. _"You are _no Bruce Wayne, _no_ Batman!"_

"Don't worry, _Zee, _I'm not taking the spot of my mentor, you know, _Batman, _who doesn't stay for any lies or deception," Robin spits out, teeth sharp and expression angry.

He never forgets his duty, and his duty is to make sure that the world will never undergo such a radical and sudden change. Though, sometimes, maybe he thinks that his duty was flawed and unnecessary...his duty says that he needs the facade of 'love' for the rest of the world, because no one should ever find out about what their world really is. But the facade is only needed when in the presence of others...

So Robin reiterates it smoothly, "Really, Zee, you can't possibly be surprised this happened."

_Ironic_, he thinks as he quietly leaves the barely decorated, barely personal room to leave Zatanna to her regrets, _so very ironic_. While the rest of the Team think that Robin, the Boy Wonder, is comforting poor, _poor _Zatanna Zatara, all he really is doing is making the pain and remorse that much _worse_.

* * *

Until the New Year's Eve, Robin does not know that Zatanna is in this just as deep as he is.

As Zatanna takes him by the neck and plants a kiss on him, he's less angered than surprised. After all, this is the masquerade ball, only he thought that he was the only dancer. Not so true now. Robin kisses back, because, really, there _is_ such thing as carnal pleasure, and being a hero doesn't mean he never indulges in it once in a while. Anyways, it's easy to take away the guilt once he pictures that it isn't Zatanna on the other side of the adrenaline rush, but it's maybe Babs, Raya, Bette, or some other petty crush he has or used to have once upon a time.

They break apart the very last, and neither of them know when, while they both understand that the kiss is just another part of a series of fakes and feints. The Team doesn't know that behind closed doors, they aren't sharing intimacy, but instead, they share barbs and arguments far beyond even what Wally and Artemis do, since these are meant to hurt, of always-an-amoral-magician and never-good-as-Bruce-Wayne.

No glamor, no joy.

The Team cheer when they finally stop and stare into each other's eyes. Zatanna shows a rush that can only come from the kiss, and Robin does too, but then there's that mutual distaste. Robin thinks it is because they understand each other so much, that the contempt is so potent.

"Dude!" Wally yells as Robin walks to a fist-bump, "You _scored." _Meanwhile, Artemis smirks at Zatanna's red flush.

It doesn't matter to them that Robin and Zatanna's facade is shattered the moment they walk into a private room of the Watchtower.

"So," Zatanna speaks first, "How was that? Is Bruce happy that I'm finally playing along with his little charade? Is he happy that I'm actually using my questionable charm on his protege? Aren't going to lie back and fall in love, are you?" Robin lets out a guffaw that sounds to insincere and incredulous, and as the laughs continue on, dancing through the well-lit monitor room, Zatanna seems to choose to join in. The laugh is plenty bitter, a self-mockery to its best. Robin's laugh will always be a disembodied cackle, while Zatanna's seems like a twinkling of bells, when he begins to wonder when he began noticing these things.

As their mocking, empty laughter fades off, Robin says, "Just like Bruce. You're still in love, you know?" Robin thinks that maybe he plays 'therapist' to the socially awkward people he knows too often, though this time he's dealing with a social chameleon, just like himself. A life for a life, a year for a year, a heart for a heart, and a magician who doesn't understand consequences.

"I know that," she snaps back, "I know perfectly well. But we're both in love with very different things from reality, Boy Wonder. He's in love with the Zatanna Zatara who left Gotham to be an independent _hero, _not some manipulative bitch who screws with the space-time continuum for kicks. I'm in love with the Bruce Wayne I knew when I didn't screw with the space-time continuum. The one who's, what, nearing forty and the one I grew up with? Not this little mockery of what I had."

Frowning, Robin replies, "The whole world is a mockery of what you had, all dis and no aster."

"And they're not very subtle about it either. You're the personality that's closest to Bruce's that I'll ever meet, because Bruce's defining attribute isn't the fact that he's bad at social interaction with anyone he remotely cares about," Zatanna spits, one of the moments she's so much older than she looks, "It's his strength. But, you know, he's in love with someone who never even existed. You know and you understand who I am, so you _know._"

"I know you well enough that I'll never be able to fall in love with you," he shrugs nonchalantly, since being chalant is something so unsuitable for the moment, "But, for what it's worth, I never thought you were a manipulative bitch."

"Oh? What am I, then?" Zatanna looks up with interest disguised as boredom, tired head resting on her palm, fingers tapping on her own cheek.

He smirks, whispering comfortingly into Zatanna's ear, "You're human, and heroes shouldn't be."

The New Year comes and goes, and while the rest of the Team wander around to regain the sense of normalcy and wait for that waking of their mentors, Zatanna and Robin stay in the monitor room, watching the blinking lights of the things in the world worth watching for. "You're a hero and human at the same time. Artemis is too," Zatanna points out, watching the stars outside of the Watchtower on the screens. The stars are as small as her intentions were the day that she cast the spell, and it has been months since.

Robin can guess how small the hope feels now. Sighing and running a hand through his now disheveled hair, Robin states quietly, "I don't think I was ever a hero, _Zee, _I was always just a kid playing pretend. That means I'm not a hero, I'm just a soldier."

"Soldiers can't be heroes?"

Slowly, Robin realizes he _can't _answer that question, because he doesn't know the answer. So the silence wears on and, for the rest of the night, no one cares to break it.

* * *

Two new year's eves later, when Zatanna is finally allowed to join the Justice League, Nightwing sends her a message, rather than telling her face-to-face, that Batman no longer finds it appropriate for Zatanna to be monitored, considering high moral standards of the League being upheld by her consistently.

Therefore, the working relationship of Richard Grayson and Zatanna Zatara, disguised as a romantic entanglement, is terminated.

"Do you feel a sense of sadness?" Zatanna probes Nightwing one night, both sitting on rooftops, one crouched seriously and professional, the other with her legs dangling over the edge of the roof. "It was _almost _real, you know. But now we can't have it anymore."

Resting his head on a palm, Nightwing admits, "I don't think we ever could have had it. We are too much the same, and too much different." _We are people driven by the need to make a difference. But you are ruled by emotion, and I've lived in Wayne Manor for far too long to feel emotion with that same intensity. _"And I don't think we ever wanted it either." _I held you in too much contempt, and you saw me as fate's final mockery before disappearing into the oblivion. Isn't that right, Zee?_ The rain fell heavily on the dark day, characteristic of Gotham City's nights.

For a long time, Zatanna says nothing, until she all too remarks casually, "You know, I think I want it now, but we both know it's too late, right?"

Her tone seems pleading, sincere, but Nightwing can never tell with her. They've been playing the charade for far too long, and by now everything's a mix, oil pastels, smeared and mingled with lies or deception. Truth's hardly legible now.

"Right, it's too late." Lying, hiding the truth, shielding her would do nothing. It's fact that he doesn't think she anticipates that much anymore. The forced 'bonding' and closeness is gone now, and they have none of that to sustain a relationship. He doesn't know _why, _but being with Zatanna always makes him act so much like _Batman_. Like _Bruce. _

Deciding to break out of the shell and act like who he _really is _for once, not what Zatanna would want him to be, based on lost love and forgotten passions, Nightwing cackles, claiming, "What we had...was a more productive relationship than the usual, you know, Zee? A relationship is characterized by how much the people in that relationship grows. And we've _grown_ _so much_ ever since we first met." _Since you made this world. _

And, really, it's the truth.

Whatever relationship they have, or used to have, it isn't something with _love _at all. They reflect on one and another, think, and criticize, and for some reason, Nightwing valued it so much more.

But, in the end, it's only a masquerade, a lie, and an act.

"Maybe I wanted you once," he confesses, deadpanned and unemotional, "but we both knew that it was nothing. We both knew that we were just pretending. I was the warden, remember? And you played along because you felt like you owed Batman. This is what was meant to happen, all lies come to an end, and we're just lucky that no one knows what really happened all those times."

Zatanna bites her upper lip, swinging her legs over on to the rooftop and going on her knees. The bright lights of Gotham shine against the cold and the pattering of the steady rainfall, outshining the stars and put them out of view, out of mind. The little lights, little troubles, and little grievances seem to mean nothing, now. Leaning in, she pleads, "One more time? Please, so that I can try to pretend it was real. Dick, you _know. _We've been in too deep, and now we've tricked ourselves along with the rest of the world. I know there was never a _we. _But, just this once, one more goodbye kiss?"

The silence reigns, and she sighs. The two stand, ready to leave, and-

As if an instinct, Nightwing pulls Zatanna deep into a long, passionate, and _insincere on both sides _kiss. It held for second after second while the rain washed down and dripped down their faces, mingling with tears. Where the tears come from, himself or Zatanna, he doesn't even know anymore.

When they finally pull apart, heartbeats racing and faces flushed even in the cold wind gripping their skin, Zatanna smiles. "Thank you for that. Thank you, and goodbye."

Nightwing grapples away, while Zatanna? She disappears.

As he sneaks in through the window of his home, a small apartment in the outskirts of Bludhaven, Wally is there, already waiting. His best friend takes in the sopping wet suit, and the resigned expression, asking, "You and Zatanna broke it off, right? What did you do? What did _she _do?"

Taking off his mask, finally, for the first time in years, Dick smiles sadly. "It was a mutual decision. We were never supposed to be. I would always stay with the Team, and she decided to move to League status."

And, so, to the rest of the world, it is just another failed romance.

But, for Richard Grayson, it's that time he grows up, that time he learns all the colors of the smeared pastel, and the time there were lies and deceptions, contempt and revelations, all adding up to a portrait neither of them can understand. Though it's scary how easily all the lies and the playing pretend can be summed up with that last night in the heavy rain, with fate's final decree sealed with something of carnal pleasure.

Dick Grayson leaves her that day with one more false kiss.

* * *

**I actually used to _hate _Zatanna, but then I realized that...it's just YJ messed her up. The comics version was much, much more fantastic and amazing, especially considering how darn awesome her powers are. I'm not actually sure if I got the character correct, don't kill me or anything. **

**In the end, they both know all that 'love' and 'feeling' is just an act, and they accept that fully, since they've been in enough acts and lies to understand its need. However, Zatanna just wanted a little bit of closure for that very long and very tumultuous chapter of her life. Goshdarnit, I'm actually almost shipping Chalant in this 'verse right now, because I think the idea of what their relationship is built on brings more to the table than two teens who kind of like each other. **

**I also _might_ do an epilogue, in a rather surprising event, and it isn't a YJ one, it goes far, far beyond that. Care to guess what it is? Care to guess who the PoV is (the character doesn't appear in YJ, but is a member of the Batfam)? That means you thwippy.**

**All in all, don't feel too depressed, and please...(drumroll)**

**Review. **


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